I heard we made out
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
