I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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