Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
