Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
