swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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