Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
