I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
