i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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