I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
