i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
