you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have aggressive nipples.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
