Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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