so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
