he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
