It's Friday. Sex?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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