I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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