He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
