you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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