RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
