I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
