you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
