a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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