In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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