Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
