how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
