he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize