i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
