'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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