Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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