2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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