apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
