Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
