I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
