I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
