if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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