forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
pop tarts are not kleenex
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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