It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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