so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
