my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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