im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
