Swine flu. Run for my life!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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