I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
