it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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