I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
