dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
