Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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