I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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