i think my tv is drunk
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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