1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
