bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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