Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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