ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
