everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
