Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
