I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
