I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
