Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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