The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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