First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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