So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
