You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
