Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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