ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
