We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
