I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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