I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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